Sometimes it feels like I'm stuck in this slow motion buzzkiller

What do I do now? Wake up in the morning, boxers and bare legs, blanket fell off in the night. Shaking. Reach down and grab the sonofabitch, Tulalip Orca whale grinning "good morning," pull it tight around me and shuffle to the back door, open it just enough to get half of my body outside.. light up a cigarette, think about how bad this feels, gooseflesh tight and burning. Butt the cigarette against the outside of the glass slider, turn around and walk to the bathroom, piss opiate nails, soul bleeding. Walk back to the living room and sit back down, ponder..

Happy birthday, little girl.